How To Word Meal To Follow At Funeral Service

Last Updated on February ten, 2022

Let'southward talk virtually funeral etiquette.

Attending a funeral isn't something that happens every day. What are you supposed to say and do? And perhaps more importantly, what are you not supposed to say and do?

Here is our etiquette guide for funerals. We'll address what to say and do (or not) for when attending a service, reception, and other memorial events. This includes:

Etiquette for guests
What to say to the bereaved family
Funeral etiquette for the immediate family

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Funeral Etiquette: What to Do

Earlier the Service

Read the funeral notice for clues.

You lot may receive a formal invitation, an e-mail or social media invite, or read about the funeral in the paper. If you read carefully, y'all'll notice clues (and sometimes straightforward instructions!) that will directly you on how to clothes, what to practice, and what to bring.

A formal discover in the newspaper stating that the funeral will be held at the local denominational church tells yous i thing, while a social media post inviting you to a "celebration of life" and potluck tells you another thing. Use your judgment.

How should I dress?

Choose an outfit that leans towards more formal and more conservative. Darker colors, especially blackness, are well-nigh appropriate. Recollect dressy or business coincidental. Avert bright colors or anything that says, "look at me!"

Times are changing and you are no longer expected to article of clothing completely formal clothing when attending a funeral. If you employ common sense and dress to award the deceased and their family, you lot volition be fine.

We have a guide on what to habiliment to a funeral if you would similar more information.

Exercise I know the deceased well plenty to nourish?

Yes. Unless the funeral (or wake/viewing/visitation) is private, then you are typically welcome to attend.

Nearly families volition be honored that you chose to come to pay your respects, no affair how briefly or long ago you knew the decedent. Even if you are accompanying a friend or family fellow member every bit a support person, you will still be welcome. Your attendance at the funeral a way to testify support for those who are grieving while honoring the life of their loved i.

What if I'm invited to a funeral, but can't attend?

If you are unable to go to the funeral, it is proper to let the family know. If possible, allow them know in a personal way – if you encounter them, in person; if you're close, ship a text, flowers, or a gift.

In any upshot, exist sure to ship a condolence card, mention your regret at being unable to attend, and express your sympathy and support.

Read more here: Etiquette for Missing a Funeral

Should I bring flowers? A gift?

No, it is best to send flowers to the funeral in advance or to transport them afterwards to their home. Flowers are arranged beforehand, and you will not want to have the family figuring out what to do with your flowers or gift 10 minutes before the funeral begins.

For gifts, information technology is acceptable to bring a small gift or card to the funeral but it is nigh considerate to transport information technology or driblet information technology by another time. Here is more data about funeral gift etiquette.

Should I bring my children?

Aye. If you have very immature small children or infants, it might be best to sit close to the exit so you lot can accept them out if they begin to brand noise.

Children grieve likewise, so information technology is of import for them to attend if they (or you lot, as their parent), wish for them to be nowadays. However, if a kid objects to going to the funeral it might be all-time for them to non nourish. Exist sure to dig a little deeper and ask about why they do not want to go. Here is some further guidance on the subject area.

Arriving at the Service

When should I arrive at the funeral?

Plan to arrive near 15 minutes early on. This will give you enough of time to park, sign the guest volume, say how-do-you-do to a few acquaintances, and detect your seat.

Should I sign the guest book?

Yes. Sign or print your proper name legibly, and if you are not well-known to the family and so you can as well include your relationship or affiliation with the deceased. For instance, "Boys & Girls Gild of America" or "friend of Neil Hargrave" or "Roommates at NYU."

Where should I sit at the funeral?

The first few rows at the front are almost always reserved for the family. Aside from that yous are free to sit anywhere. Once you have signed the guest volume and spoken to anyone y'all demand to speak to, you tin can sit in the closest available space(s) to the front.

Should I talk to the family unit?

Yes, merely be brief, especially before the funeral begins. Wait to talk more than at the reception, simply even then brand sure you are not monopolizing the family. They will have dozens or even hundreds of people that wish to speak to them, so be considerate of their time, attention, and their ability to focus during an emotional time.

Below, we have tips on what to say (and what not to say) to the grieving family unit.

During the Service

What is the proper funeral etiquette for prison cell phones?

Yous absolutely must mute your cell phone. Turn off sound, notification, and even vibration. Better yet, leave it in the automobile. Y'all can get get it if you need information technology.

Should I take photos or recordings?

No, unless the family unit tells anybody to do so. Oft a family unit volition hire a professional person photographer or assign a friend to take pictures. Your photographic camera/phone volition only be in the way and draw attending to yourself, and then it is best to refrain.

What if I practise non share the behavior practiced or highlighted in the funeral?

This will take a little bit of wisdom on your role. Certainly you do not want to object or brand a scene; a funeral is not the place for a protest, witnessing, or debate. On the other hand, yous are costless to not participate in whatsoever rituals or religious observations that are contrary to your own behavior.

For instance, if a prayer is offered from a religious perspective exterior of your own, you practise not need to join in the prayer simply it is well-nigh loving and respectful to simply bow your head along with everyone else.

When in Rome….

Do as the Romans practice. In other words, a funeral is a fourth dimension to follow the lead of the family unit, officiant/clergy, and everyone else. It's not a time to express your own individuality or draw attention to yourself. The purpose of the event is to honour the dead, and respecting the civilization and community of the deceased and their family is the best way to practice this.

Subsequently the Service

Should I get to the graveside service?

Yes. Typically all are welcome at a graveside service unless information technology is specifically express to family unit just. Just follow directions: If y'all are invited, you should become.

Should I attend the reception?

Yes, unless it is private. You are not required to get but information technology is another mode to pay your respects and show your support.

More than: Funeral Reception Etiquette

Should I withal go if I can merely brand information technology to the reception?

Sometimes, life happens. If y'all tin can make simply one event, yous should probably cull to attend the funeral. But if you truly are unable to attend until it is time for the reception, that is acceptable and the family unit volition appreciate that you lot came.

Funeral Etiquette: What to Say

Say something.

It's important that you acknowledge the loss that has occurred. Express your condolences to the family members. It can be equally elementary as the timeless "My condolences," or even the traditional "I'm sorry for your loss." If yous know the family unit, say what is on your heart and let them know y'all are in that location for them and hurting with them. If you do not know the family, innovate yourself and let them know your relationship to the deceased.

Say the decedent'due south name.

It might audio counter intuitive, but grieving family members appreciate hearing their loved ane'due south name spoken aloud. There is a sense in which avoiding the person's name feels like you are trying to erase their beingness. Conversely, when you say the decedent'due south name, it validates what the grieving family unit members are feeling because it implies that the person was real and then is the grief and loss that they are experiencing.

Read more about this in Nancy Guthrie'southward helpful book What Grieving People Wish You Knew.

Tell a story or memory.

If yous have shared special times with the deceased, information technology'due south good to tell others a funny or interesting story, something that illustrates the person's kindness, creativity, or passion. This is a way that you can share an "extra moment" of the person'south life with their family unit and loved ones, and it volition be treasured more than than you know.

A few phrases that are ok to utilize.

No one wants to accidentally say something offensive or hurtful. That's why our start bespeak was to remind you that you should say something.

Merely what to say that doesn't audio trite, thoughtless, or banal? It'southward ok to fix a unproblematic phrase to say to the grieving family members. Here are a few:

I don't know what to say.
I miss [name] too.
[Name] was a wonderful person. My condolences to you and your family.
There are no words. Merely know that I love y'all and will too miss [name].
I but want you to know that I am going to be there for you, no matter what.

For more than ideas, here are 10 culling (and better) things to say instead of "I'one thousand sorry for your loss." (Which is perfectly acceptable, BTW.)

**What Non to say.**

Don't talk almost your ain loss, or say that you know how they feel. This is ane of the virtually common funeral etiquette imitation pas, because people try to sympathize with those who are grieving. But information technology doesn't go over well. Sure, you may have also lost a mother, simply yous didn't lose their mother. Y'all too might have gone through cancer with a beloved uncle, but your uncle's experience really has very little to practise with their loss. Avoid saying this sort of thing.

A few more than phrases to avert:

I know how yous experience
I've lost a ___ likewise
He/she was and then young
Everything happens for a reason
It was God's volition
It was her/his fourth dimension to go
Call me if you need anything
Anything that begins with "At least…"
Sappy phrases near angels, looking down from above, watching over us, etc

For more details most why you should avoid these phrases, and what to say instead, come across this article under the "What Not to say" department.

Funeral Etiquette for Immediate Family unit

If you are in the immediate family, how are y'all expected to human action, and what should you exercise? Here are some helpful tips.

Dress upwards, non down.

Funeral attire is getting more casual for the general public, but when you are role of the immediate family or very shut to them, it is best to dress respectfully in honor of the deceased. Black is always appropriate, every bit are suits with ties, modest dresses, and pantsuits.

Tin I get out early? I'k not certain I can talk to people…

Yous might not want to exist effectually people after the funeral. If that is the example, conform to be escorted out to your transportation first earlier the rest of the attendees are released.

What do I say to people?

"Give thanks you for coming" is perfectly acceptable. Y'all do not need to say annihilation else. If others express their condolences, a simple "cheers" volition suffice. For the most part, people volition sympathize if you do not have much to say. And of course if you find comfort in talking more, past all means do so.

What exercise I say to insensitive comments?

Expect to hear some insensitive or fifty-fifty inappropriate questions and comments. People don't ever know what to say, so sometimes they say things without thinking. Again, a simple "thank y'all" is enough.

If someone wants to know details about the passing (this is specially common if the decease was unexpected), you do non need to answer all their questions. Consider preparing a uncomplicated, cursory explanation of how they died, and then say you prefer not to talk almost it at this fourth dimension.

What if I cry or break down?

Crying and other expressions of grief are advisable at a funeral. Don't worry too much about what people think or how yous are "supposed" to human action. If you feel overwhelmed and demand some infinite, yous can retreat to the foyer, outside, or to a private room in the funeral home or church.

Ask for help where you need it and say no when you don't.

People will bring gifts and food, offering to help and offer to come up visit. They want to show you honey and support, and information technology is all right to accept it. Enquire someone to help past recording who brought what and then you lot tin can send them a notation of thanks subsequently. Brand sure anyone who drops off not-dispensable dishes marks their name on the dish so you lot can return it.

And if you need some time and space, or don't need the help, thank them for their offering and let them know that your needs are met for now.

Write thank-you notes.

The number of calls, gifts, notes, cards, flowers, and meals might exist a lot. That is why we propose that you enquire someone to help with this, someone who tin can keep tabs on who gave or did what then y'all tin give thanks them later.

However, if y'all tin't write a note to every person, they should sympathise. At the very least, it is most proper to ship a thank-you note to those directly involved in the service. This includes the officiant or minister, the funeral director, anyone who delivered a eulogy or a reading, musicians, pallbearers, and those who helped with decorations or the reception.

Related: Should I tip the funeral director? Minister? Florist?

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